Rock and Roll Nurse...making it worse

I recently spoke to my Doctor. Who incidently, is very cool and will enthusiastically prescribe anything for you, no questions asked and goes by the name of Larry instead of Doctor. Anyways, he called me at 9:30 p.m. to inform me I both do not have syphillus and do have dangerously high cholesterol. Damn. Syphillus can be cured in one week. Cholesterol will be a lifelong struggle. At first I thought it had to be some sort of mistake, I'm 28, work out 6 days a week, drink lots of cholesterol lowering alcohol products and eat sardines for breakfast. Then he mentioned something about animal fats causing high cholesterol and I then fondly recalled just a handful of meals I consumed in the past week:

1) A 3 hour dim sum session where I gladly finished the extra dumpling when 5 were served for our party of four. We were also seated at the same table as another party who had 2/3rds of it not prefer the flavor of tripe. They offered-I ate.
2) 1/7 of a nine pound pork shoulder, a dozen oysters, a sort of fried pigs head pate, chicken mousse and pork belly buns at momufuko.
3) About 7 assorted german sausages my parents brought me to celebrate october fest...I finished those off with 3 smoked chickens and 3 turkey legs over the next couple days
4) See below for my night in flushing

It was a pretty normal week.

Anyone have any advice? I really prefer not to change my spectacular lifestyle. Drugs? Oatmeal? Herbs? Sardines for breakfast, lunch and dinner?

Living on Chinese Rocks

Of New Yorks 6 Chinatowns, my two favorites are in Queens. One fun thing about chinatowns is convincing your mom that you were in China last week.

Shhhh, Don't tell my mom, I'm actually on Main Street USA.

Here I am Mom, I'm drinking a Chinese Adult beverage outside of my favorite dumpling stand. As my dining companion put it, "i will never drink again, due to my 4 day hangover." We also had a chef come out of a restaurant to tell us that this brand of rice wine was fit only for cooking.



It's true, you can buy bootlegs of hollywoods best movies for pennies on the dollar.


Mom, it's fine....See, the swastika is backwards....ok, i won't cook in front of a mirror......

Frogs for dinner.

Mom, I met the nicest American Couple staying at our Hotel. It always pays to go with the big multinational hotels. What a nice experience.

Singing Karaoke with my new friends.

China is fun Mom. I hope I go back real soon.

chicken feat??

Not really. I had some today. They are pretty boring.

Sometimes the train never comes

Thanks Michael Bloomberg. After a heated argument about whether or not people poke holes in the NYC promotional condoms available on the bar at your local dive, we decided to put the theory to the test without the risk of pregnancy at about 3:30 a.m.


The verdict...there were no holes, but we may have discovered a more fun use for condoms!!!

lost paraguayos

Ok. I now have a camera. I still don't know how to use it....Of the many Argentine Restaurants in Queens, as far as I know, none of them grill up the bountiful grass fed heffers of the world's seventh largest country. Instead, all the Argentine meathouses here source their grass fed beef from neighbouring Uruguay....This summer I visited Uruguay for 4 hours. 3 of those hours were spent sampling their beef and as i am know to do, comparing its quality to my hometown Queens.....Equally delicious, but much more abundant in parts. There seemed to be entrails of entrails, including some previously unknown stomach segment which i am ashamed to admit, i did not like .....As you can see, i aged about one year per pound of meat i consumed this meal. There was also no heat in the restaurant, which fittingly allowed me to wear my leather jacket. Use all parts.

POP QUIZ: WHO IS FUCKING TERRIBLE??

I don't have a camera. Yet. So, let's talk some philosophy and use a pre-existing photo. This is me. I love food. Everything about it. It is essential for life, it inspires and preserves culture, it is a source of entertainment, it encourages social bonding, and it employs 16.5 million people in the U.S. alone. Unless we are talking about total lack of it or puffer fish (http://www.emedicinehealth.com/wilderness_pufferfish_poisoning/article_em.htm), it should never ever be the cause of ACTUAL HUMAN DEATH.......Well, leave it to everyone's least favorite chain of crappy sandwiches to be responsible for HUMAN SUICIDE.....FUCK YOU QUIZNOS!!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF QUEENS!!!!!!!!! http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/24/business/24quiznos.html?_r=1&oref=slogin